YES! Your parent or loved one will be able to find an end to the grief, and
Happiness and Joy
are possible after loss.
Discovering THEIR Pathway Through Grief
Is The Key
“I’ve never seen my mom (dad, brother, sister, etc) so upset and I have no idea what I am supposed to do.
Is this what our life is going to be like from now on?
Will she ever be happy again?”
Maybe you’ve had similar thoughts also.
That was the conversation I had with a young man who was trying to help his mother after the loss of her dad.
My young client was feeling helpless and scared that his mother might never be able to return to any kind of happiness in life.
He was beginning to feel betrayed by the popular theory that tells us that there are
5 distinct “stages” to grief.
This myth and misconception was causing more grief then ever intended. This idea of a smooth, fluid, step by stage process really had this persons mother (maybe you) is an emotional and mental mess.
Joy, Happiness, Hope, Healing, Transition, and Life with the loss are possible when you discover your Pathway Through Grief and forget about stages or tasks.
It never seems to fail that the idea of 5 nice and fluid steps after a loss causes the griever more
- more grief.
The popularized theory of a fluid step-by-step process to grieve and loss has many under the false idea that when you are done with one stage, you move on to the next, until you are one day – done.
As much as I wish I could write that this is true, grief and the grieving process is not so neat and orderly. None of us will ever grieve in a nice straight line through smooth stages. Truth be told, we are probably experiencing every "stage" at the same time.
We certainly do not do it like this pop culture portrayal would have you think.
And, you will never grieve exactly the same as someone else.
So what are you to do?
How do you find relief from the turbulence that loss creates?
One client described their grief experience after the
death of a child like bungee jumping.
He said there was this surreal free-fall where everything was in slow motion and yet whooshing by. If he opened his eyes all he could see was the open Abyss below rushing toward him - or him to it.
Then came the sudden jerk as the awareness hit and he was yanked back into reality only to bounce up and down in total and complete helplessness, dangling just a few feet above the floor of the abyss he had just been launch toward.
If that is you, I totally understand and I promise you,
there is peace when it all settles down.
Read on as I share with you some tools and ideas that will
help you gain control of that free-fall.
Grief really is like a bungee jump.
Unlike the smooth straight-line Stages or
Tasks notions of grieving,
grief is full of ups and downs, forwards and back, and
revisiting “dealt with” emotions until you are finally able to regain your footing on solid ground.
Even when you land, the internal spinning can feel dizzying for days it seems.
Brett, has helped me through some long repressed emotions that were holding me back. My businesses were growing rapidly, but I had gone two years without grieving the death of my dad after a drowning accident while we were together with my 8 year old daughter. I had spent so much effort into making sure she was mentally ok that I did not help myself & just threw myself at work. That bottling up of emotions came to an impasse many months later & it was a rough wall to get over. With Brett's help, knowledge of the process I was going through, and also understanding the hardships entrepreneurs go through was the only way I was able to get through that stage of my life.
Here’s the great part -
It is okay to
- sit down,
- lock the door and
- ignore that you are . . .
“supposed” to do this, or “have to” do that.
Sometimes in the middle of the chaos, just sitting there and letting it all settle is the best thing we can do.
Finding your solid ground and slowing the turbulence is on your terms and your time-line –
- as long as you are moving forward.
There is no rule, law, or theory that specifies that after 3 weeks, two moths, or ??? amount of time you will be or
"should be over it".
Sometimes the best "stage" of grief is the one where you sit and have a good cry, or the one where you scream and yell because that is what you feel inside.
My favorite “stage” is to drop the top on my car, turn up the music and drive while the wind seems to peel away the pain and loneliness.
Finding your own perfect "stage" is one of the key ways to move through the Pathway of Grief.
The Grief Personality Inventory and Tools For 2:00 A.M. I have created will help you identify what your current "stage" is and begin to process the chaos in the Emotional Abyss swirling inside.
There is no prescribed way,
only a common path that we are all on in one way or another.
The end of the path really does lead to a new life.
A life-with-loss as a loss-manager.
Members of the Pathways Through Grief coaching program
and groups, all understand -
Why “stages” fail and tasks over-whelm.
The stages model of grief is the creation of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross from her work and study of terminally ill patients. Kubler-Ross discovered that there were 5 distinct stages, as she called them. These stages were the way that people came to terms with their own mortality.
Her book – On Death and Dying – was a wide spread success and the stages model leapt from the study of death and was applied to any loss. That is where the confusion and the feelings of betrayal that many of my clients have felt comes from.
If the stages model was for the dying - what about a model for the living?
When we experience the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or any other loss, we are not coming to terms with and accepting our own end - We go on living.
The stages idea is not intended for the living and as such leaves us wanting.
One reason loss hurts so bad is that we do go on, even when there seems to be no light through the mist and darkness. Finding acceptance of the loss can be very hard. This is why it is so important that
when we are dealing with the pain of loss, we don’t rush, we definitely don’t push, and no matter what we never tell someone they are “doing it wrong”.
What works for one person may not be what works for you.
From the Stages model, we gain some very good language that can really help steady that free-fall. (In the Pathways through Grieving program, I help you understand and manage each of these.)
are all part of the grief process and finding new life after loss. When they are allowed to happen and channeled in the right way, these can be the brakes that slow down the emotional decent and help the logic brain catch-up to the illogical experience around us. These three tools actually slow the bounce of the bungee cord.
So, what can you do RIGHT NOW?
- Understand that - just because you have moved through a specific behavior or emotion, and now find yourself there again, you
- did not do it wrong,
- are not broken or crazy, and
- it only shows that you are moving and feeling and progressing toward the day when you are able to live with your loss.
- Create routines and do not be in a hurry to “fix” things.
- Be sure to watch the introductory webinar and complete the Grief Personality inventory to find out how you are doing, AND
- Find a supportive and understanding group like our Good Grief – Really Facebook group that will allow you to ~
- grieve on your terms,
- encourage you to progress along the grieving pathway,
- interact with others who have become or are becoming
Sometimes the hardest part of loss is that those close to us (family, friends, employers, even clergy) are unable to see what is going on for us, often because they are still bouncing on their own bungee line of grief and loss as well.
Often, because our pain triggers theirs, they say and do things that they believe are well intentioned, but in reality hurt us.
It is perfectly fine to smile, thank them, humor them, and then get back identifying your personal loss and what really is in your Emotional Abyss.
Then you will find acceptance and a new life.
Looking over another who is grieving can trigger and excite our own emotional abyss. That is why it is so good you are getting involved here with people who understand this and can help you in your own way.
The fact that you are here, reading this and getting the support and resources that will assist you tells me that you are doing it right.
Below, you have a no-cost oppotunity to start finding relief and joy after loss. I have created Tools For 2:00 A.M. - a special eBook with tools for those moments wen grief overtakes you and a Grief Personality Inventory that will help you understand where you are on the Pathway Through Grief and what you can do next.
The eBook and inventory are free. They are my gift to help you find the joy and happiness that is possible after loss.
I wish you all the best.
Meanwhile, I’ll see you the Facebook group to help you get off the bungee ride.
With deepest regards,